© 2014-2017 Carol L. Melnick. All rights reserved. Website by Verity Graphics
Being a couple requires regular attention.
Relationships need nurturing and development.
Assessing Developmental Stages of Relationship
A. Choice of Partner: attraction, romance, falling in love, idealization, expectations B. Phases of relationship: hopes, satisfactions and disillusionment, resolutionUnderstanding Interactional Patterns in Couples
A. Pattern of interaction: productive and supportive vs unproductive and dissatisfying How to identify unproductive interactional patterns: i) Is this how you usually argue?; What is upsetting about it?; What is the real issue?; Why is this important?; What feelings does it evoke? ii) How are these hurtful interactions similar to your family of origin? How to shift hurtful interactional patterns: i) Do you know your partner's needs and fears? Do you know why he/she reacts this way? Understand your partner's needs, fears, and reactions. ii) When you respond in your usual way you get a reaction that you don't want. Can you do it differently? Help each partner to find ways of “doing it differently” in the here and now. Iii) How can each partner express their needs and fears more directly.Identifying Individual Concerns Affecting the Relationship
A. How have you each learned to cope with difficulties or trauma: anxiety, depression, addictions, compulsive behaviour, anger, sexualizing, illness...? Help each partner to identify, manage and find new coping strategies. Some of these ways of coping may need individual support & attention.Promoting Relational and Individual Growth
A. Common issues to be worked out in every relationship: a) Equity; fairness, equal sharing of responsibility b) Closeness and distance; pursuing and distancing patterns c) Power; control; one-up, one-down; vs. vulnerability and equality d) Flexibility; negotiation, compromise B. “Becoming oneself” within and outside the relationship: a) Mutual support and freedom to be oneself b) Freeing oneself from past roles, scripts, and patterns
Love is prizing the other for whom she/he is. Reference: Dr. Arnold DeGraaff
© 2014-2017 Carol L. Melnick. All rights reserved. Website by Verity Graphics
•
Assessing Developmental Stages of Relationship
A. Choice of Partner: attraction, romance, falling
in love, idealization, expectations
B. Phases of relationship: hopes, satisfactions and
disillusionment, resolution
•
Understanding Interactional Patterns in Couples
A. Pattern of interaction: productive and
supportive vs unproductive and dissatisfying
How to identify unproductive interactional
patterns:
a) Is this how you usually argue?; What is upsetting
about it?; What is the real issue?; Why is this
important?; What feelings does it evoke?
b) How are these hurtful interactions similar to
your family of origin?
How to shift hurtful interactional patterns: a) Do you know your partner's needs and fears? Do you know why he/she reacts this way? Understand your partner's needs, fears, and reactions. b) When you respond in your usual way you get a reaction that you don't want. Can you do it differently? Help each partner to find ways of “doing it differently” in the here and now. c) How can each partner express their needs and fears more directly.•
Identifying Individual Concerns Affecting the
Relationship
A. How have you each learned to cope with difficulties or trauma: anxiety, depression, addictions, compulsive behaviour, anger, sexualizing, illness...? Help each partner to identify, manage and find new coping strategies. Some of these ways of coping may need individual support & attention.•
Promoting Relational and Individual Growth
A. Common issues to be worked out in every
relationship:
a) Equity; fairness, equal sharing of responsibility b) Closeness and distance; pursuing and distancing patterns c) Power; control; one-up, one-down; vs. vulnerability and equality d) Flexibility; negotiation, compromise B. “Becoming oneself” within and outside the relationship: a) Mutual support and freedom to be oneself b) Freeing oneself from past roles, scripts, and patterns
